pillow talk

I don't want to kiss my pillow goodnight anymore.

I've been doing that a lot. Of course it doesn't kiss back. It's a pillow! And that sucks. And that's cold. So my pillow sucks AND is still cold. Now that's just cruel!

I can Imagine my pillow talking to his pillowing buddy...

(In my bed lit by the moon outside before bedtime)
PILLOWING BUDDY: I saw Mikki kissed you last night.
MY PILLOW: (looking embarrassed) Oh, you did?
PILLOWING BUDDY: Yyyup! And the night before that, and the night before the night before that, and...
MY PILLOW: Okay, you can stop now, thank you! Yeah, he's been doing that a lot lately. So what?
PILLOWING BUDDY: Boy, he must really like you!
MY PILLOW: (sighs) It seems that way... unfortunately...
PILLOWING BUDDY: You seem upset about that.
MY PILLOW: Gee, you have great observation skills.
PILLOWING BUDDY: I know! But What's wrong with that?
MY PILLOW: (sighs) Nothing... just forget it.
PILLOWING BUDDY: Oh come on, buddy! You can't keep it all inside. It's going to shrivel up all your feathers! You can trust me, all right?
MY PILLOW: You promise not to tell the other pillows?
PILLOWING BUDDY: My zippers are zipped tight!
MY PILLOW: Okay... you see... I'm starting to really like Mikki.
PILLOWING BUDDY: Oh yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about! Sorry... go on.
MY PILLOW: Don't you see? It's wrong and it's pointless and it's...
PILLOWING BUDDY: Oh come on, don't say that! It's not wrong to care for someone. I mean he seems like a nice guy.
MY PILLOW: Yeah, he is, isn't he? Every night, when he lays down his head on me, I can't help myself. I feel so stuffed, like my feathers can do no wrong. And when he hugs me, my feathers just fly around inside of me, you know? I like the feeling of his hair against my pillow case. (smiles to himself) I don't even care when he drools on me. I have grown to love his drool. You know how weird that is?
PILLOWING BUDDY: Man, you got it bad!
MY PILLOW: I'm just scared... that someday, he might find a better pillow. I know I won't be so stuffed forever. I saw him watching TV the other day and his face... it lit up when they showed this scented pillow. Chamomile, or something.
PILLOWING BUDDY: Yeah, I know those. Evil little critters. I dated one of them rose-scented once. I cared for her and she just tore my stitch. i lost a lot of feathers because of that pillow. I never did get those feathers back.
MY PILLOW: (chuckling) Yeah, I noticed you got a little less stuffed after that. (both chuckles). So you see, I can't care for Mikki. Because he'll just throw me away for some chamomile-scented pillow. I may just end up being with his dog, or worse he may just play with me until my stitch tear open and my feathers scatter everywhere.
PILLOWING BUDDY: His mom would never let that happen.
MY PILLOW: His mom never goes inside his room, remember? That's why I can't care for Mikki. I don't want to get hurt.
(door creeks open)
PILLOWING BUDDY: Oh here he is.
MY PILLOW: I'm sorry, Mikki...

So... that is why I don't want to kiss my pillow goodnight anymore.