something to that effect

It's 3:48.
I didn't think I could be up this late since earlier I had a few drinks. A few... yeah right. Anyway, since I was doing nothing, I figured I'd update on my blog. It's been a long time since I've done this so there are some things to catch up on. Not for anybody else, really, but for me, since I have no readers anyway. You see this blog is like my Pensive, if you know what that is. My head gets so cluttered sometimes, or most of the time, or actually always, that I just have to organize them. Now that's funny since I don't know how to organize things, except, perhaps, the songs in my iPod.

I'm 20 now. No longer a teenager. All of a sudden things are no longer the same. For one I can no longer use the excuse, "I'm a teenager, I didn't know better." And I can longer joing PBB Teen Edition. Mwahaha. Not that I have any plans on doing that. That was just one of my fantasies when I think of ways to escape my reality.

At this point, I really feel so useless. I quit my job before my birthday. That's the second time now. Why don't I get much satisfaction out of the things I'm doing? It's like I'm' living that Stacie Orrico song "More to Life." I've been listening to that a lot lately. I know I can do so much more than just answer calls and apologize for things I didn't do or cannot do. When I was a kid I didn't wish to be berated and do nothing as if it's not happening. When I was a kid I wanted to do so many things, be so many things. I keep on wondering what happened to my dream of becoming a neuro surgeon or an astronaut or a lawyer or a neuro surgeon-astronaut-lawyer-....

I still have a dream, though. Something more feasible. I want to be an interior-industrial-architectural-landscape-fashion designer. Hahaha. Yeah, I'm a whackjob, I know. Hahaha. Now seriously, interior designing seems to be my thing. And I plan on going to school for that. Yey me!

Then we go back to my dillema! How do I know that once I do this thing, I would want to stick to it? I like it now but who knows what else I would like to do a few blinks after that...?

*smiles*

The I remember Calleigh Duquesne. Thank God I watch tv. She says, "You can't waste your life thinking of the what-ifs." Or something to that effect. Or mabe not, maybe I made that up myself. Now, I really don't suppose I have to elaborate on that. On that quote I mean, not on the making it up part.

Anyway now it's all starting to make sense. Sort of. Haha, I'm just getting tired so I'd cut this short. But seriously, things are looking pretty good.

Except my hair.